the wind whispers against our skin
beads of sweat glistening in the light
limbs intertwined
sounds of youth
a moment in the reeds

 

 

i steal glances at my parents
and i can see that they are haunted
is it by mistakes they have made
opportunities they have missed
i wish i could take that away from them
the hurt, the regret they feel
i wish i could wrap them in my arms
and tell them that i love them
but i am haunted too

 

 

a quiet moment beneath the blue

 

 

i could tell you our fortune
or i could do as i always do
and slip away
i’ll spare you the pain
that would have come eventually

 

 

some days i break 
it’s instant, heavy
it sticks to my heart
and seeps into my soul
the silent suffering

 

 

i am 25 and completely weathered

 

 

103 days in the green and i have never felt more blue

 

 

it feels like just yesterday i was 17;
i am now twenty something
with dreams of a time machine

 

 

it’s midday as we lay between the lemon trees
it’s the middle of summer
you’re here for a few days
your mum has a new man in the house
but you don’t get along
that’s fine though
because you’re never home
you wish you could pack up and move away
maybe here with me
i never extend the offer because we both know you would say yes
and eventually you would tire of me too
i think you know this so you don’t bring it up
i don’t think i could handle that
you getting tired of me, of us
it would break me
so i will take the few days we have now between the lemon trees
i love you
i think you love me too
but we are passing by each other in ways that don’t allow
the type of love we would inhabit

 

 

it’s 12:24 and the summer haze welters in the middle of the field
boys dressed in white chasing bat and ball
a coal train passing by on the hour

 

 

pine needles and the crackle of twigs
deep within a place i should not be
i can see rows upon rows of trees
pointing straight towards the sky
enough light seeping through to show me
the track ahead
i am not alone, there are others here
hiding away for now
but it won’t be long before they show themselves
for now though, i shall rest
down by the riverbed

 

 

the rain patters against the tin roof
slices of watermelon and ice blocks
a summer storm they whispered
footprints against the pavement
young boys on the shoulders of their fathers
slow rumbles and flashes of white
a miracle they whispered

 

 

i am a very selective person 
an observer
i am eyes and ears
people tend to talk a lot
little things slip
you would cringe
if you could hear yourself
if only you knew

 

 

i don’t have the stamina

 

 

sad people still turn up to the party

 

 

i’ve been getting colder
for quite some time now
feelings hidden away
deep within the walls
of a man at 25

 

 

some people just don’t understand
it still gets cold in california

 

 

i thought the loveless generation didn’t exist
but it exists within me
i’m not sure if my love has run out 
or of it was never there in the first place

 

 

i feel so unattached to society

 

 

i caught the eye of a lady 
much older than i
she smiled at me
before she boarded her train
she was wearing a skirt down to her ankles
no shoes
who are you i thought
where have you been 
where are you going
i saw her take a seat by the window
she glanced back towards me
but this time there was a vacant stare
no smile
just a lady on a train

 

 

be gentle i would say
be quiet is what was returned

 

 

i closed myself off from the world
i blocked my growth
i decided to evolve on my own
and all i felt was dark and groggy
like a sunday in july

 

 

it wasn’t easy getting here
but it’s been a bigger battle trying to
leave

 

 

i hate that i tolerate

 

 

it rains heavy within the walls of
me

 

 

lost in the desert
hot sand between toes
shadows keeping us company
in this silent place

 

 

it was fleeting
i was absorbed in the new of it all
until a day in january
when the dandelions
no longer appeared

 

 

if we refuse to concede to compromise
do we really stand a chance at all
to live a life we want
to live a life we enjoy

 

 

sometimes my mind betrays me
i don’t think it means to
it has these moments of weakness
where the corrosion seeps in
and begins to cripple me
i may be a young man
but i am helpless beneath this invisible force
it’s 3:54 on a sunday afternoon
i am under the sun
at peace
and then it hits
a wave of nausea
i’m drowning, tumbling
as if the ocean wants to bury me
anxiety

 

 

you filled me like warm water

 

 

i’ve started to play the game
i’ve started to hate that i am exactly
like the rest of you
i’m disappointed, but mostly just sad
i thought i was different
turns out i am just another
fallen leaf

 

 

before i die
i want to thrive

 

 

i’ve become hard lines and
short conversations
there’s a silent pain
i don’t want you to see

 

 

© brandonalexanderthomas